127+ Jokes to Roast Your Friends: Get Ready!

Are you ready to make your friends laugh and maybe feel a little bad about themselves? We have a big collection of jokes that are perfect for poking fun at your friends in a playful way. These jokes are called "roasts" and they're a fun way to joke around with the people you care about.

Get ready to use these jokes to tease your friends and make them laugh. You can use them to make jokes about your friends' clothes, hair, or even their funny habits. With over 127 jokes to choose from, you'll never run out of ways to playfully poke fun at your friends.

Best Puns & Jokes

Puns and jokes are a great way to add some humor to your conversations, especially when you're looking to roast your friends in a light-hearted manner. The key to a good pun or joke is its ability to surprise and delight, often through clever wordplay or unexpected twists on familiar concepts.

• I told my friend I was reading a book on anti-gravity, and he just couldn't put it down, which is exactly what the book said would happen.
• My friend's bakery sells "egg-cellent" pastries, but honestly, their jokes are a bit of a fowl move.
• Why did my friend's cat join a band, because it wanted to be the purr-cussionist, but honestly, it was just a mew-sical dream.
• I asked my friend to help me move, but he was too busy playing video games, so I guess you could say he was CTRL-ing the situation.
• When my friend's phone autocorrected "hello" to "jello", I knew it was a gelatinous situation, but he just rolled with it.
• My friend said he was a great magician, but every time he made something disappear, it was just his phone battery.
• Why did my friend bring a ladder to the party, because he heard the drinks were on the house, and he wanted to take that literally.
• My friend loves to sail, but the other day, he capsized, and I guess you could say he was having a reel bad day.
• My friend's dog went to the vet, and the vet said the dog was feeling a little ruff, so my friend was paws-itive it would be okay.
• What did my friend's coffee file a police report for, because it got mugged, and now it's in a bit of a latte trouble.
• I told my friend I was going to the doctor, and he asked if I'd a grape expectation for my visit, which was a bit of a fruitless question.
• My friend's computer mouse broke, so now he's having a little trouble clicking with people, it's a real mouse-terpiece of a problem.
• Why did my friend's banana go to the doctor, because it wasn't peeling well, and that was a pretty corny reason.
• My friend went to the gym to get some egg-cellent abs, but all he ended up with was a fowl temper.
• I asked my friend why he was bringing a magnet to the party, and he said he wanted to attract some attention, which was a pretty polarizing decision.
• Why did my friend's orange stop in the middle of the road, because it ran out of juice, and that was a little sour.
• My friend's pen broke up with him, and now he's feeling a little drawn out, it's a real ink-credibly sad story.
• What do you call my friend's fake spider, a rebel because it doesn't catch anything, it just hangs around.
• My friend went to the doctor and said he'd a chicken bone stuck in his throat, and the doctor said that was a pretty fowl cough.
• I told my friend to meet me at the movies at 7, but he showed up at 8, and when I asked him why, he said he was just trying to reel in the time.
• My friend loves to play hide and seek, but he's really bad at it, because he's always lion down on the job.
• My friend became a master baker, but his products were always a little crumby, so I guess you could say he needed to knead the competition.
• Why did my friend bring his dog to the dance party, because it was a howlin' good time, and the dog was the pick of the litter.
• I asked my friend to help me with my puzzle, but he was too busy, so I guess you could say he was piecing out, and that was a bit of a problem.
• My friend's cat is an excellent listener, but it's a purr-manent solution to his problems, because it never gives any advice.
• What do you call my friend's group of cows playing instruments, a moo-sical band, because they're always milking the moment for all it's worth.
• My friend's phone is so old, it's starting to feel like a dinosaur, and that's a pretty pre-hysterical situation.
• Why did my friend's computer go to the doctor, because it had a virus, and that was a bit of a byte-sized problem.
• I told my friend I was going to the bank, and he asked if I was making a withdrawal from our friendship, which was a pretty cash-strapped question.
• My friend loves to play chess, but he's really bad at it, because every time he makes a move, it's a knight-mare, and that's a bit of a rook-ie mistake.
• My friend's rabbit went to the doctor, and the doctor said it had hare-loss, which was a pretty fur-bulous diagnosis.
• What do you call my friend's group of chickens playing instruments, an egg-cellent band, because they're always scrambling to make beautiful music.
• My friend's dog is a great singer, but it's always howling off-key, so I guess you could say it's a bit of a dog-gone shame.
• Why did my friend bring his ladder to the party, because he heard the drinks were on the house, and he wanted to elevate the situation.
• My friend loves to play soccer, but he's really bad at it, because every time he kicks the ball, it's a goal-less situation, and that's a bit of a kick in the teeth.
• I asked my friend to help me with my math homework, but he was too busy, so I guess you could say he was numbering off, and that was a bit of a problem.
• My friend's phone is so smart, it's starting to feel like a genius, and that's a pretty intelligent situation, but also a bit of a phone-y baloney.

Funny One-Liners & Wordplay

Funny one-liners and wordplay are essential components of roasting your friends, as they provide a quick and witty way to poke fun at them. By utilizing clever language and unexpected twists, you can create hilarious jokes that will leave your friends laughing and playfully insulted.

Your friend's dance moves are so bad, they're the only person I know who can make a stop sign look like a rhythm section, and that's why we're here tonight to roast them.

After seeing your friend's cooking, I'm starting to think the only recipe they know is the one for disaster, which includes a pinch of hope and a whole lot of disappointment.

When your friend says they're a great listener, what they really mean is they're great at pretending to care while secretly planning their next joke about you.

I told your friend to bring a ladder to the party, and they asked why, to which I replied, because they wanted to take their jokes to the next level, but honestly, they should just stick to the ground floor.

Your friend's fashion sense is so unique, it's like they got dressed in the dark and then looked in the mirror and said, "You know what, I'm a trendsetter," except the trend is to wear clothes that don't match.

If your friend's brain were a computer, it would be one of those old models that freeze every time you try to open a new tab, which is probably why they can't handle more than one joke at a time.

When your friend says they're reading a book, don't believe them, because the only book they're reading is the one with the recipes for excuses on why they didn't finish anything they started.

I'm not saying your friend is lazy, but if they were a pizza, they'd be the crust, because they're always getting delivered and never actually doing any of the work themselves.

Your friend's jokes are so bad, they make me laugh, not because they're funny, but because I feel sorry for them, like watching a puppy try to catch its own tail.

If your friend were a Superhero, their superpower would be the ability to turn any conversation into a discussion about themselves, which is actually more like a supervillain power.

Your friend's cooking skills are so underdeveloped, I'm starting to think they're secretly trying to torture us with flavors that clash more than their outfit does.

I asked your friend to write a poem about our friendship, and what they came up with was so cheesy, I think the mice in the wall are now lactose intolerant.

When your friend says they're a morning person, what they mean is they're a "hit the snooze button 12 times" kind of person, which is basically a nap with intervals of pretending to be awake.

Your friend's love life is like a puzzle, except all the pieces are from different puzzles, and that's why nothing ever fits together in a way that makes sense.

I'm not saying your friend is a bad driver, but the other day, they managed to get lost in a parking lot, which is like getting lost in a phone booth, it's just not supposed to happen.

If your friend were a song, they'd be that one song that you know all the words to but can't remember the name of, and honestly, that's probably for the best.

Your friend's memory is so bad, I'm starting to think they're the reason why the phrase "what was I just saying?" was invented.

When your friend tries to give advice, it's like they're handing out participation trophies, because it's always generic and never actually helpful.

I told your friend to bring a magnet to the party, and they asked why, to which I replied, because they attract trouble, but honestly, it's more like they're trouble magnets with a side of chaos.

Your friend's sense of direction is so poor, I think they could get lost on the way to their own birthday party, which is probably why they always arrive late.

If your friend were a historical figure, they'd be the one who got lost on the way to the signing of the Magna Carta, and that's why their name is never mentioned in the history books.

Your friend's jokes are like landmines, you never know when one will explode and leave everyone in awkward silence, wondering what just happened.

When your friend says they're a great singer, what they mean is they're great at singing in the shower, where the only audience is the soap and shampoo, and even they're not impressed.

I asked your friend to tell a joke without using the words "because" or "so," and what they came up with was a long, confusing story that ended with them saying, "Wait, what was the joke again?"

Your friend's dance moves are so unique, they've been banned from every wedding reception within a 50-mile radius, not because they're bad, but because they're contagious, and nobody wants to be that guy on the dance floor.

If your friend were a sport, they'd be curling, because it's the only sport where you can sweep your problems under the rug and still call it a game.

When your friend tries to cook, it's like they're performing a science experiment, except instead of a hypothesis, they've a fire extinguisher, and that's not always enough.

I told your friend to write a story about our adventures, and what they came up with was so fictional, I think they accidentally wrote a fantasy novel instead of a memoir.

Your friend's sense of humor is so dry, it's like they're the human version of the Sahara Desert, but without the charm of the sand dunes.

If your friend were a type of food, they'd be a reality TV show about baking, because they're always a little too dramatic and never quite good enough to win the top prize.

When your friend says they're a night owl, what they mean is they're a "stay up all night binge-watching Netflix" kind of person, which isn't the same thing, but equally impressive in its own way.

Your friend's fashion sense is so eclectic, it's like they raided a thrift store and put together an outfit that's a mix of everything except style.

I asked your friend to create a new sport, and what they came up with was so complicated

Top Witty Puns

Puns are a great way to add humor to any conversation, and witty puns can be particularly effective at roasting your friends in a lighthearted way. Whether you're looking to tease someone about their sense of humor or just want to have a bit of fun, these jokes are sure to bring a smile to everyone's face.

• I told my friend he was a great punster, but he was just egg-cellent at cracking himself up, and honestly, that's a fowl sense of humor.
• My friend's puns are so bad they're making me grape with frustration, and I'm wine-ing about it all day.
• Why did my friend bring a ladder to the party, because he heard the drinks were on the house, and now he's taking it to a whole new level.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, it's impossible to put down, and my friend says that's a pretty weighty joke.
• What do you call a fake noodle, an impasta, and my friend's cooking is full of them, which is a pretty saucy thing to say.
• My friend's jokes are so cheesy, they're gouda be laughed at, and I'm feeling a little bleu about it.
• Why did the scarecrow win an award, because he was outstanding in his field, and my friend is a-maize-d by his success.
• I asked my friend to stop making so many bird puns, but he just couldn't paws for a moment, and now I'm having a fowl day.
• Why did the bicycle fall over, because it was two-tired, and my friend is exhausted from laughing about it.
• What do you call a can opener that doesn't work, a can't opener, and my friend says that's a pretty sharp joke.
• My friend's puns are so corny, they're a-maize-ing, and I'm feeling a little husky about it.
• Why did the baker go to the bank, he needed dough, and my friend is loaving it.
• I'm not a baker, but I'm feeling crumby about my friend's jokes, and that's the way the cookie crumbles.
• Why did the mushroom get invited to all the parties, because he's a fun-gi, and my friend is a fun guy to be around.
• What do you call a bear with no socks on, bear-foot, and my friend is paws-itive it's a great joke.
• My friend's jokes are so bad, they're making me punderful, and I'm fur-getting about my worries.
• Why did the computer go to the doctor, it had a virus, and my friend says that's a pretty byte-sized joke.
• I asked my friend to stop making so many cat puns, but he just couldn't claw his way out of it, and now I'm having a purr-fectly terrible time.
• Why did the banana go to the doctor, because he wasn't peeling well, and my friend is going bananas about it.
• What do you call a group of cows playing instruments, a moo-sical band, and my friend is herd-ing them all to the stage.
• My friend's jokes are so bad, they're udderly ridiculous, and I'm milking them for all they're worth.
• Why did the chicken go to the gym, to get some egg-cellent abs, and my friend is yolk-ing it up.
• I'm not a cat, but I'm paws-itive my friend's jokes are the cat's meow, and that's the purr-fect joke.
• Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road, because it ran out of juice, and my friend is squeezed for more jokes.
• What do you call a dog that does magic tricks, a labracadabrador, and my friend is howling for more.
• My friend's jokes are so bad, they're making me dog-gone laugh, and I'm paws-itive I'll be back for more.
• Why did the rabbit go to the doctor, because he'd hare-loss, and my friend is having a hair-raising experience.
• I'm not a fish, but I'm hooked on my friend's jokes, and that's a reel-y good time.
• Why did the turkey join the band, because he was a drumstick, and my friend is fowl-ly in love with the music.
• What do you call a dog that goes to the vet, a paws-itive patient, and my friend is feeling ruff about it.
• My friend's jokes are so bad, they're making me sheep-ish, and I'm baa-dly in need of more.
• Why did the cow start a band, because she wanted to be a moo-sician, and my friend is milking the applause.
• I'm not a bee, but I'm all abuzz about my friend's jokes, and that's the bee's knees.
• Why did the pig go to the party, because he was a ham, and my friend is hog-wild about it.
• What do you call a cat that's a good listener, a purr-fect listener, and my friend is fur-tively listening in.
• My friend's jokes are so bad, they're making me horse around, and I'm stable-ly amused.
• Why did the chicken go to the doctor, because it had fowl breath, and my friend is egg-static about it.
• I'm not a monkey, but I'm going bananas for my friend's jokes, and that's a jungle of laughter.

Best Jokes & Puns for Instagram

Instagram is a platform where humor can spread quickly, with jokes and puns about the social media giant itself being particularly popular.

The key to crafting a great joke about Instagram is to find the perfect balance between clever wordplay and relatable references to the platform's features and user experiences.

• If you're trying to increase your Instagram followers, just remember that buying them is like buying friends, it's a cheap way to look popular but ultimately pointless.
• Posting a selfie on Instagram without a filter is like going outside without clothes, it's just not done.
• When your Instagram post gets more likes than your actual personality, you know you're doing something right online.
• Instagram's "story" feature is just a nice way of saying you're posting content that's too boring for a regular post.
• If your Instagram followers think you're cool, but in reality, you're just sitting at home in pajamas, then you're a social media master.
• The difference between Instagram and real life is that on Instagram, everyone's a photographer, but in real life, everyone's just holding a camera.
• Using Instagram's reels to showcase your dance moves is like trying to show off your cooking skills through a recipe book, it's just not the same.
• You know you're addicted to Instagram when you start seeing the world through a square frame.
• When your cat has more Instagram followers than you, it's time to reevaluate your life choices.
• Trying to make a viral Instagram challenge is like trying to start a new dance craze, it's all about the timing and a lot of luck.
• If you post a picture of your breakfast on Instagram, you're either a food blogger or just really boring.
• Instagram's algorithm is like a bad boyfriend, it's always changing and you're never really sure what it wants from you.
• When you see someone's Instagram post and think "wow, their life is perfect," just remember, it's all curated, like a museum exhibit of happiness.
• Taking a break from Instagram is like going on a digital diet, you feel good about it at first, but then you start craving it.
• If you use Instagram to show off your wealth, you're not flaunting your success, you're just asking to be robbed.
• The best way to get more likes on Instagram is to post a picture of a cat, because let's face it, cats are the real influencers.
• When you post something deep on Instagram and nobody likes it, it's like shouting into a void, but the void is judging you.
• Your Instagram bio is like a resume, but instead of listing your skills, you list your hobbies and pretend they're skills.
• The most relatable thing on Instagram is probably the "story" of someone eating ice cream alone at home, because who hasn't been there?
• If your Instagram notifications are always on, you're not connected, you're just anxious.
• Posting a picture of your vacation on Instagram is like sending a postcard, but instead of just your family, the whole world gets to see how much fun you're having without them.
• When you finally get the courage to post a risky joke on Instagram, it's like walking a tightrope, except the tightrope is your reputation and the ground is filled with trolls.
• The difference between a photographer and an Instagram influencer is that one takes pictures because they love art, and the other takes pictures because they love attention.
• Using hashtags on Instagram is like throwing a net into the ocean, you never know what you're going to catch.
• If you're one of those people who posts their relationship status on Instagram, you're either very confident or very insecure.
• When you see an ad on Instagram and think it's a post from someone you follow, that's not a mistake, that's just good marketing.
• The "About" section on Instagram is like the "About Me" section on a dating site, except instead of looking for love, you're looking for followers.
• Posting a meme on Instagram is like telling a joke at a party, if it's funny, you're the life of the party, but if it's not, you're just that one guy.
• When you spend more time editing a post for Instagram than you do on actual work, you know your priorities are a bit mixed up.
• If your Instagram profile picture is a decade old, you're either ageing well or just stuck in the past.
• The only thing more exhausting than using Instagram is trying to explain Instagram to someone who doesn't use it.
• Your Instagram story is like a highlight reel of your life, except instead of highlights, it's usually just a bunch of mundane tasks made to look exciting.
• If you have to explain your Instagram post, it's like having to explain a joke, it's just not funny anymore.
• The best part about Instagram is the community, said no one who's ever dealt with trolls.
• When your Instagram post goes viral, it's like winning the lottery, except instead of money, you get a lot of temporary fame and some awkward messages.
• The "Followers" and "Following" numbers on Instagram are like a report card for your social life, and let's be honest, nobody likes a bad report card.
• If you use Instagram to inspire others, you're a blessing, but if you use it to impress others, you're just a nuisance.
• Your Instagram feed is like a window into your soul, except instead of profundity, it's usually just a bunch of superficiality.
• When you see someone's Instagram post and think "wow, I wish I could be that carefree," just remember, they're probably more stressed than you, they're just better at filters.
• The only thing more surprising than what people post on Instagram is what they don't post, and that's usually the most interesting part.
• If your Instagram account is private, you're either very exclusive or just not interesting enough for the public eye.
• Posting a joke on Instagram is like performing at a comedy club, except instead of a microphone, you have captions, and instead of applause, you get likes.

Conclusion

You're now armed with over 127 jokes to roast your friends, so go ahead and destroy them with wordplay and witty one-liners. Don't worry, they'll forgive you – or not. Either way, it's gonna be hilarious. Roast 'em about their love life, driving skills, or Instagram addiction – they've had it coming. Bring it on!