85+ Jokes for Drunk People: May Not Remember…

Get ready to laugh with a big collection of jokes for people who like to have fun and drink. These jokes are super funny and have silly puns that will make you giggle. You will find jokes that are so funny, you might even forget your name.

These jokes are special because they are made for people who like to drink and have a good time. They are easy to remember, even if you had a little too much to drink. You will love reading them and sharing them with your friends who like to have fun and laugh together.

Best Puns & Jokes

Best Puns & Jokes are the perfect way to entertain a crowd, especially when the crowd is drunk and ready to laugh at anything. The key to a great pun or joke is in its delivery and the unexpected twist at the end that catches the listener off guard, and here are some jokes about Best Puns & Jokes:

• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, and she looked surprised, which is a classic example of a best pun.
• Why don’t scientists trust atoms, because they make up everything, and that’s a joke that’s sure to make you laugh.
• Why don’t eggs tell jokes, because they’d crack each other up, and that’s a simple yet effective play on words.
• Why did the tomato turn red, because it saw the salad dressing, and the unexpected twist is what makes it funny.
• What do you call a fake noodle, an impasta, and this joke relies on wordplay for its humor.
• Why did the scarecrow win an award, because he was outstanding in his field, and it’s a clever use of language.
• Why don’t lobsters share, because they’re shellfish, and the pun on the word shellfish is what makes it work.
• What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work, a can’t opener, and it’s a joke that plays on expectations.
• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down, and the humor comes from the unexpected twist.
• Why did the bicycle fall over, because it was two-tired, and it’s a clever play on words.
• Why did the baker go to the bank, he needed dough, and the joke relies on a common phrase being used in a different context.
• Why did the mushroom get invited to all the parties, because he’s a fun-gi, and it’s a joke that uses wordplay.
• Why did the pencil break up with the eraser, it was a sharp move, and the humor comes from the unexpected twist.
• What do you call a group of cows playing instruments, a moo-sical band, and it’s a joke that relies on wordplay.
• Why did the banana go to the doctor, because he wasn’t peeling well, and the joke uses a common phrase in a different context.
• Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend, because he needed space, and it’s a joke that plays on a common phrase.
• What do you call a bear with no socks on, barefoot, and it’s a simple yet effective play on words.
• Why did the computer go to the doctor, it had a virus, and the joke relies on a common phrase being used in a different context.
• Why did the kid bring a ladder to school, he wanted to reach his full potential, and the humor comes from the unexpected twist.
• Why did the chicken go to the gym, to get some egg-cellent abs, and it’s a joke that uses wordplay.
• What do you call a dog that does magic tricks, a labracadabrador, and it’s a joke that relies on wordplay.
• Why did the rabbit go to the doctor, because he’d hare-loss, and the joke uses a common phrase in a different context.
• Why did the hipster burn his tongue, he drank his coffee before it was cool, and the humor comes from the unexpected twist.
• Why did the cat join a band, because he wanted to be a purr-cussionist, and it’s a joke that uses wordplay.
• What do you call a fish with no eyes, a fsh, and it’s a simple yet effective play on words.
• Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road, because it ran out of juice, and the joke relies on a common phrase being used in a different context.
• Why did the kid bring a magnet to school, he wanted to attract attention, and the humor comes from the unexpected twist.
• Why did the cat take a selfie, to capture its purr-fect side, and it’s a joke that uses wordplay.
• What do you call a dog that’s a good listener, a retriever, and it’s a joke that relies on wordplay.
• Why did the turkey join the band, because he was a drumstick, and the joke uses a common phrase in a different context.
• Why did the potato go to the party, because he was a spud-tacular dancer, and the humor comes from the unexpected twist.
• Why did the kid become a baker, because he kneaded the dough, and it’s a joke that plays on a common phrase.
• What do you call a cow with no legs, ground beef, and it’s a simple yet effective play on words.
• Why did the chicken go to the doctor, because it had fowl breath, and the joke relies on wordplay.
• Why did the egg go to therapy, because it was cracking under the pressure, and the humor comes from the unexpected twist.
• Why did the banana go to the doctor, because he wasn’t peeling well, and the joke uses a common phrase in a different context.
• What do you call a dog that’s a great listener, a labradoodle, and it’s a joke that relies on wordplay.
• Why did the lemon stop in the middle of the road, because it ran out of juice, and the joke relies on a common phrase being used in a different context.
• Why did the cat join a band, because he wanted to be the purr-cussionist, and it’s a joke that uses wordplay.

Funny One-Liners & Wordplay

Funny one-liners and wordplay are a great way to add some humor to any situation, especially when alcohol is involved, as they often rely on quick wit and clever turns of phrase. Drunk people, in particular, might enjoy jokes that are a bit absurd or play on expectations, as their altered state can make them more receptive to unusual humor.

• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, and she looked surprised, which was the whole point, but also kind of proved my point in a beautifully ironic way.
• Why don’t scientists trust atoms, because they make up everything, and it’s a bit of a liability when you’re trying to get to the heart of the matter.
• Why don’t eggs tell jokes, they’d crack each other up, and that could lead to a real egg-xistential crisis.
• Why did the scarecrow win an award, because he was outstanding in his field, which is more than can be said for some of the other nominees.
• What do you call a fake noodle, an impasta, and if you’re drunk, you might just think that’s the most profound thing you’ve ever heard.
• Why did the bicycle fall over, because it was two-tired, and honestly, who hasn’t been there at some point.
• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down, especially after a few drinks when gravity seems like a mere suggestion.
• Why did the baker go to the bank, he needed dough, and let’s be real, who doesn’t need more dough.
• Why did the mushroom get invited to all the parties, because he’s a fun-gi, and his spores are always a hit.
• Why did the pencil break up with the eraser, it was a sharp move, and sometimes you just have to make a point.
• What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work, a can’t opener, and if you’re drunk, you might find that hilariously clever.
• I’m not a morning person, I’m not a night person, I’m a “whenever the coffee kicks in” person, which is usually after a few drinks.
• Why did the computer go to the doctor, it had a virus, and let’s hope it didn’t catch anything else while it was there.
• Why did the banana go to the doctor, he wasn’t peeling well, and that’s a pretty a-peeling reason to go.
• Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend, he needed space, and sometimes that’s just the way the cosmos go.
• What do you call a group of cows playing instruments, a moo-sical band, and they’re always a hit at the local watering hole.
• Why did the chicken cross the playground, to get to the other slide, and it was an egg-cellent adventure.
• Why did the rabbit go to the doctor, he’d hare-loss, and hopefully, it wasn’t a permanent condition.
• Why did the hipster burn his tongue, he drank his coffee before it was cool, and that’s just a latte trouble.
• What do you call a bear with no socks on, barefoot, and if you’re drunk, that might seem like the most clever thing you’ve ever heard.
• Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road, it ran out of juice, and that’s a bit of a fruit-less endeavor.
• Why did the kid bring a ladder to school, he wanted to reach his full potential, and that’s a pretty lofty goal.
• What do you call a fish with no eyes, a fsh, and if you’re drunk, you might think that’s the most fin-tastic joke you’ve ever heard.
• Why did the turkey join the band, he was a drumstick, and that’s a pretty poultry in motion.
• Why did the potato go to the party, because he was a spud-tacular dancer, and he always had a good time.
• Why did the kid become a baker, he kneaded the dough, and that’s a pretty crumby reason to bake.
• What do you call a dog that does magic tricks, a labracadabrador, and if you’re drunk, that might seem like the most paws-itive thing you’ve ever heard.
• Why did the cat join a band, because he wanted to be the purr-cussionist, and that’s a pretty mew-sical career choice.
• Why did the elephant quit the circus, because he was tired of working for peanuts, and that’s a pretty trunk-load of work.
• What do you call a penguin who’s a good dancer, a penguin shaker, and if you’re drunk, you might think that’s the coolest thing you’ve ever heard.
• Why did the tomato turn red, because it saw the salad dressing, and that’s a pretty saucy reason to blush.
• Why did the computer screen go to the doctor, it had a virus and needed an update on its condition, which is a pretty pixel-fect excuse.
• Why did the kid bring a magnet to school, he wanted to attract attention, and that’s a pretty magnetic personality.
• What do you call a cow with no legs, ground beef, and if you’re drunk, that might seem like the most udderly ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard.
• Why did the banana split, because it wasn’t peeling well under the pressure, and that’s a pretty fruit-less relationship.
• Why did the egg go to therapy, it was cracking under the pressure, and that’s a pretty egg-xistential crisis.
• Why did the chicken go to the gym, to get some egg-cellent abs, and that’s a pretty fowl workout routine.
• What do you call a dog that’s a great listener, a retriever, and if you’re drunk, you might think that’s the most paws-itive thing you’ve ever heard.

Top Witty Puns

Top Witty Puns are a great way to spice up a conversation with a bit of wordplay and humor. These jokes are specially crafted to be short, witty, and to the point, ensuring a quick comedic impact that will leave you and your friends laughing.

• When I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, she looked surprised, which was the whole point of the witty remark.
• The pun about the cat joining a band was the purr-cussion that made the whole joke come together so smoothly.
• Why don’t scientists trust atoms, because they make up everything, which is a bond-ing experience in itself.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist, and that was a real gas in more ways than one.
• What do you call a fake noodle, an impasta, which is a saucy little secret.
• The scarecrow won an award because he was outstanding in his field of expertise, which was a-maize-ing.
• Why don’t eggs tell jokes, they’d crack each other up, and that’s no yolk.
• Why did the tomato turn red, because it saw the salad dressing, and that was a real fruit-ful encounter.
• What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work, a can’t opener, which is a real tin-disaster.
• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down, and that was a weight off my shoulders.
• Why did the bicycle fall over, because it was two-tired, and that was a real cycle of laughter.
• The baker went to the bank, he needed dough, and that was the bread-winner.
• Why did the mushroom get invited to all the parties, because he’s a fun-gi, and that’s a real spore-adic occasion.
• Why did the pencil break up with the eraser, it was a sharp move, and that was a real drawn-out process.
• What do you call a group of cows playing instruments, a moo-sical band, and that was udderly ridiculous.
• Why did the banana go to the doctor, he wasn’t peeling well, and that was a real fruit-less endeavor.
• Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend, he needed space, and that was a star-crossed lover’s dilemma.
• What do you call a bear with no socks on, barefoot, and that was a grizzly situation.
• Why did the computer go to the doctor, it had a virus, and that was a real byte-sized problem.
• Why did the kid bring a ladder to school, he wanted to reach his full potential, and that was a real step in the right direction.
• What do you call a dog that does magic tricks, a labracadabrador, and that was a real paws-itive experience.
• Why did the rabbit go to the doctor, he’d hare-loss, and that was a real fur-bulous problem.
• Why did the kid become a baker, he kneaded the dough, and that was the icing on the cake.
• What do you call a fish with no eyes, a fsh, and that was a real reel-y bad situation.
• Why did the turkey join the band, he was a drumstick, and that was a real gobbler of a joke.
• Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road, it ran out of juice, and that was a real fruit-ful pause.
• What do you call a cat that’s a good listener, a purr-fect listener, and that was a real mew-ment of truth.
• Why did the egg go to therapy, it was cracking under the pressure, and that was a real scramble to the top.
• Why did the kid bring a magnet to school, he wanted to attract attention, and that was a real polarizing experience.
• What do you call a cow with no legs, ground beef, and that was a real cut of comedy.
• Why did the banana split, because it wasn’t peeling well under the pressure, and that was a real fruit-ful revelation.
• Why did the computer screen go to the doctor, it had a little glitch, and that was a real pixel-fect problem.
• What do you call a dog that’s a great dancer, a paw-fect dancer, and that was a real howlin’ good time.
• Why did the kid become a master baker, he needed the dough, and that was the yeast of his worries.
• Why did the orange juice carton go to therapy, it was feeling a little crushed, and that was a real squeeze on his emotions.

Best Jokes & Puns for Instagram

Best jokes and puns for Instagram are curated to bring laughter and entertainment to its users. The platform’s vast audience and variety of content make it an ideal space for sharing humorous posts, including jokes and puns, that can go viral and be enjoyed by many.

• Instagram is like a relationship, it’s all fun and games until you start filtering out the good times.
• Why did the Instagram influencer bring a ladder to the party, because they wanted to take their followers to new heights.
• The Instagram user’s photos were so edited, they started to look like an oil painting, but the critics just called it a crayon job.
• What did the Instagram post say to the other, let’s get linked and make this a story to tell.
• Instagram is where people go to post their breakfast, and by breakfast, I mean their avocado toast and overpriced coffee.
• The best way to get more followers on Instagram is to post pictures of your cat, or so the cat told me.
• If you’re feeling sad, just remember that Instagram is just a highlight reel, unless you’re following a comedian, then it’s just a bunch of jokes.
• I tried to post a video on Instagram, but it kept getting cut off, I guess that’s what I get for trying to condense a whole movie into 60 seconds.
• Do you know what they call an Instagram user who doesn’t post for a week, a person with a real life.
• Why did the Instagram user’s phone go to therapy, because it had a lot of hangups and was feeling a little filtered.
• You know what they say, an Instagram post a day keeps the therapist away, but only if you’re posting about your feelings.
• Instagram is the perfect place to show off your vacation photos, mainly because your friends are all secretly jealous of your adventures.
• If you want to make your Instagram followers think you’re a great photographer, just use a lot of filters and hope for the best.
• What do you call an Instagram post with no likes, a tree falling in the forest with no one around to hear it.
• I love how Instagram lets you post multiple photos at once, it’s like they know I’ve the attention span of a goldfish.
• Do you know what’s wild, Instagram is where people go to post pictures of their food, but not actually eat it, because priorities.
• Why do people take so many selfies on Instagram, because they’re trying to capture the perfect angle, or their ego.
• If you’re an Instagram influencer, you’re basically a professional poser, but with better lighting and more filters.
• What’s the difference between Instagram and a scrapbook, one is digital and the other is just a waste of paper.
• You know what’s crazy, people spend more time taking the perfect Instagram photo than they do living in the moment.
• Do you know what they say, if you didn’t post it on Instagram, it didn’t happen, mainly because your friends won’t believe you otherwise.
• I love how Instagram stories are like Snapchat, but without the shame of having to actually talk to someone.
• Why do people love Instagram so much, because it’s like a big ol’ party, but without the social anxiety and small talk.
• What do you call an Instagram user who only posts selfies, a narcissist, or just a person with a lot of confidence.
• You know what’s funny, people on Instagram are always like “no filter,” but really they’re just using a different filter.
• Do you know what they say, Instagram is like a big game, where everyone’s competing for likes and followers, but the prize is just more anxiety.
• If you want to get famous on Instagram, just post a picture of a cat, or a dog, or really any animal, and you’ll be set.
• What’s the best way to make your Instagram followers like your posts, just ask them to, or use a lot of hashtags, preferably both.
• You know what’s wild, Instagram is where people go to post pictures of their fitness journey, but really they’re just showing off their expensive gym membership.
• Why do people love looking at Instagram, because it’s like a big book of pretty pictures, but without the reading or intellectual stimulation.
• Do you know what they say, if you’re not on Instagram, you’re basically nonexistent, or at least that’s what the youth would have you believe.
• I love how Instagram lets you post videos now, it’s like they know we all have the attention span of a squirrel.
• What do you call an Instagram post with a lot of words, a blog post, or just a person who likes to talk too much.
• You know what’s funny, people on Instagram are always like “good vibes only,” but really they’re just hiding their dark thoughts and emotions.
• Why did the Instagram user’s account get suspended, because they posted too many pictures of their cat, and not enough pictures of their avocado toast.
• Do you know what they say, Instagram is like a big mirror, where people go to reflect on their lives, but really they’re just taking selfies.
• If you want to make your Instagram followers laugh, just post a meme, or a joke, or really just anything that’s not a selfie.
• What’s the best way to get more likes on Instagram, just post a picture of a puppy, or a kitten, or really any animal that’s cute and fluffy.
• You know what’s wild, Instagram is where people go to post pictures of their travels, but really they’re just showing off their expensive vacation packages.
• Why do people love Instagram stories, because it’s like a big sneak peek into someone’s life, but without the boring parts or actual substance.
• Do you know what they say, if you didn’t document it on Instagram, it’s not worth doing, mainly because your friends won’t believe you otherwise.
• I love how Instagram lets you post polls now, it’s like they know we all love to argue with strangers on the internet.
• What do you call an Instagram user who only posts pictures of their food, a foodie, or just a person with a lot of eating disorders.
• You know what’s funny, people on Instagram are always like “I’m so busy,” but really they’re just playing video games and eating Cheetos.
• Why did the Instagram user’s phone die, because it was tired of taking so many selfies, and needed a break

Conclusion

You’ve made it through the jokes, congrats! You’re probably drunk, so don’t worry if you won’t remember them tomorrow. These puns and one-liners are hilarious, even if your memories aren’t. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll spill your drink – it’s a wild ride. Now, go forth and forget these jokes, you won’t recall them anyway!