97 Dark Jokes: Not for the Faint of Heart!

Are you ready for some funny but weird jokes? We have jokes that are not suitable for everyone, but if you're here, you must be curious. These jokes are a little morbid, yet funny – if you're into that sort of thing.

Get ready to laugh at things you maybe shouldn't laugh at. Don't say we didn't warn you, because these jokes are not for the faint of heart. We're about to show you 97 dark jokes that will make you question our sense of humor.

Best Puns & Jokes

Best puns and jokes often rely on clever twists of language to create humor, and in the domain of dark jokes, this can be particularly evident as they push the boundaries of what's considered acceptable.

The balance between darkness and humor is delicate, making the construction of these jokes a nuanced art that requires a deep understanding of the audience and the context.

• Why was the morgue employee always in a good mood, because he was always dying to get to work and loved the graveyard shift.
• A man walked into a library and asked the librarian, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat?", and the librarian replied, "It rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it's here or not."
• What did the cannibal say when his mom asked him to take out the trash, "I'm having a gut feeling I should do it now."
• A friend told me he was going to start a garden in his backyard, and when I asked him why, he said, "Because I want to get to the root of my problems."
• Why don't scientists trust atoms, because they make up everything, which is a pretty basic but unstable fact.
• What do you call a fake noodle, an impasta, which is a pretty saucy lie.
• A man walked into a bar and ordered a beer, and as he was sipping his drink, he heard a voice say, "Nice tie!", and he looked around, but there was nobody nearby who could have said it, so he asked the bartender, "Did you hear that voice?", and the bartender replied, "Oh, it's just the peanuts, they're complementary."
• Why don't eggs tell jokes, because they'd crack each other up, and that would be a real fowl move.
• What do you call a group of cows playing instruments, a moo-sical band, which is udderly ridiculous but sounds like a hay-day for music lovers.
• A chicken and an egg are sitting on a psychologist's couch, and the psychologist says, "So, which one of you came first?", and the chicken replies, "Well, doc, that's a fowl question."
• Why did the scarecrow win an award, because he was outstanding in his field, and that's no small potatoes for a guy made of straw.
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, and she looked surprised, which I guess was the brow minimum I could expect from her.
• Why don't lobsters share, because they're shellfish, and that's just claw-ful.
• What do you call a can opener that doesn't work, a can't opener, which is a real tin-ridden problem.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, and it's impossible to put down, mainly because I'm floating away with the plot.
• Why did the bicycle fall over, because it was two-tired, and that's just a wheel bad excuse for not having a good balance.
• What do you call a bear with no socks on, barefoot, which is just grizzly logic.
• Why did the banana go to the doctor, because he wasn't peeling well, and that's a pretty corny reason to get a second opinion.
• Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend, because he needed space, and that's a galaxy of a problem to solve.
• What do you call a fish with no eyes, a fsh, which is just a reel bad joke.
• Why did the computer go to the doctor, because it had a virus, and that's a pretty byte-sized problem to fix.
• Why did the baker go to the bank, because he needed dough, and that's the yeast he could do to make some bread.
• Why did the mushroom go to the party, because he was a fun-gi, and that's a pretty spore-adic sense of humor.
• What do you call a dog that does magic tricks, a labracadabrador, which is just paws-itively mesmerizing.
• Why did the chicken go to the gym, to get some egg-cellent abs, and that's no yolk.
• Why did the rabbit go to the doctor, because he'd hare-loss, and that's a pretty fluffy problem to have.
• What do you call a cat that's a good listener, a purr-fect listener, which is just the cat's meow.
• Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road, because it ran out of juice, and that's a pretty sour reason to get stuck.
• Why did the kid bring a ladder to school, because he wanted to reach his full potential, and that's a step in the right direction.
• What do you call a cow with no legs, ground beef, which is just a beef with the situation.
• Why did the turkey join the band, because he was a drumstick, and that's a pretty fowl move to make music.
• Why did the potato go to the party, because it was a spud-tacular occasion, and that's a pretty corny reason to get mashed.
• What do you call a fish that's an excellent listener, a reel good listener, and that's just fin-tastic.
• Why did the kid become a baker, because he kneaded the dough, and that's the breadwinner of the family.
• Why did the egg go to therapy, because it was cracking under the pressure, and that's a pretty egg-centric problem to have.
• What do you call a dog that's a great dancer, a paw-cilla, and that's just the pick of the litter.
• Why did the cat join a band, because it wanted to be the purr-cussionist, and that's the cat's pajamas.
• Why did the banana split, because it wasn't peeling well under the pressure, and that's a pretty fruit-less endeavor.

Funny One-Liners & Wordplay

Dark jokes often rely on wordplay and unexpected twists to create humor, and one-liners are particularly effective at delivering a quick punchline.

Funny one-liners and wordplay can be used to craft jokes that are both dark and comedic, often relying on clever turns of phrase or unexpected associations to create humor.

• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, she looked surprised, and now I'm sleeping on the couch because apparently that's a brow-beating comment.
• Why don't scientists trust atoms, because they make up everything, and it's a bond-ing issue.
• Why don't eggs tell jokes, they'd crack each other up, and that's an egg-aggerated response.
• What do you call a fake noodle, an impasta, and that's a saucy sense of humor.
• Why did the scarecrow win an award, because he was outstanding in his field, and that's a-maize-ing.
• Why don't lobsters share, because they're shellfish, and that's claw-ful.
• What do you call a can opener that doesn't work, a can't opener, and that's a pretty tin-y problem.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, it's impossible to put down, and that's a gravity-defying feat.
• Why did the bicycle fall over, because it was two-tired, and that's a wheel good excuse.
• Why did the baker go to the bank, he needed dough, and that's the yeast of his worries.
• Why did the mushroom get invited to all the parties, because he's a fun-gi, and that's a spore-adic sense of humor.
• Why did the pencil break up with the eraser, it was a sharp move, and that's a drawn-out explanation.
• What do you call a group of cows playing instruments, a moo-sical band, and that's udderly ridiculous.
• Why did the banana go to the doctor, he wasn't peeling well, and that's a fruit-less effort.
• Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend, he needed space, and that's a galaxy of problems.
• What do you call a bear with no socks on, barefoot, and that's a grizzly situation.
• Why did the computer go to the doctor, it had a virus, and that's a byte-sized problem.
• Why did the kid bring a ladder to school, he wanted to reach his full potential, and that's a step in the right direction.
• What do you call a dog that does magic tricks, a labracadabrador, and that's a paws-itive illusion.
• Why did the rabbit go to the doctor, he'd hare-loss, and that's a fur-bulous problem.
• Why did the hipster burn his tongue, he drank his coffee before it was cool, and that's a latte trouble.
• What do you call a fish with no eyes, a fsh, and that's a reel-y bad joke.
• Why did the cat join a band, because it wanted to be the purr-cussionist, and that's a claw-some beat.
• Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road, it ran out of juice, and that's a fruit-ful explanation.
• What do you call a cow with no legs, ground beef, and that's a meat-y issue.
• Why did the kid bring a magnet to school, he wanted to attract attention, and that's a polarizing move.
• Why did the turkey join the band, he was a drumstick, and that's a fowl joke.
• Why did the egg go to therapy, it was cracking under the pressure, and that's an egg-istential crisis.
• What do you call a dog that's a good listener, a retriever, and that's a paws-itive trait.
• Why did the tomato turn red, because it saw the salad dressing, and that's a fruit-ful encounter.
• Why did the computer screen go to the doctor, it had a pixel-ated vision, and that's a screen-ing problem.
• What do you call a fish with a sunburn, a star-fish, and that's a reel-y bad burn.
• Why did the kid become a baker, he kneaded the dough, and that's a loaf-ing good job.
• Why did the cat take a selfie, to capture its paws-itive side, and that's a claw-some shot.
• Why did the banana split, because it wasn't peeling well under the pressure, and that's a fruit-less relationship.
• What do you call a dog that's a great dancer, a paw-cussionist, and that's a dog-gone good move.
• Why did the orange juice carton go to therapy, it was feeling crushed, and that's a fruit-ful problem.

Top Witty Puns

Top Witty Puns are a collection of jokes that play with words to create humor, often using wordplay, double meanings, and clever twists to create amusing effects. These jokes can range from simple and lighthearted to complex and ironic, but they all rely on the unexpected twist of language to create their comedic impact.

• Why did the pun go to therapy, because it was feeling a little "word-sensitive" and was struggling to find the right words to express its feelings.
• The pun walked into a bar and said, "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, it's impossible to put down, but I'm pundering if I should just float away."
• The witty punster's favorite coffee shop had a sign that said, "We don't serve coffee to punderful people," so he just grinned and said, "Well, that's a latte assumptions."
• A man told his wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, she looked surprised, and he pun-ished her by saying she was brow-beating him with her looks.
• What did the grape say when it got stepped on, nothing, it just let out a little wine, and someone pun-dered if it was having a fruit-less conversation.
• Why did the scarecrow win an award, because he was outstanding in his field of corny jokes and a-maize-ing puns.
• The pun master said to his friend, "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high," and his friend replied, "Did she look surprised, or was that just a brow-beating conversation."
• A man walked into a library and asked the librarian, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat," and she replied, "It rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it's here or not, that's a punderful dilemma."
• Why did the bicycle fall over, because it was two-tired, and someone pun-ished the joke by saying it was a cycle of jokes.
• What do you call a fake noodle, an impasta, and someone pundered if that was a saucy comment.
• The punster's cat joined a band, and now it's the purr-cussionist, but he's worried it's just a cat-astrophe of music and puns.
• Why did the baker go to the bank, he needed dough, and someone said that was just a loaf of jokes and puns.
• Why did the mushroom get invited to all the parties, because he's a fun-gi, and the punster said that was a spore-adic sense of humor.
• The pun master said, "I'm reading a book about the history of glue," and his friend replied, "I'm stuck on the title, it's a bond-ing experience, but I'm not sure if it's a sticky situation."
• What do you call a can opener that doesn't work, a can't opener, and the punster said that was a real can-undrum and a pun-filled problem.
• The witty punster went to the doctor and said, "Doc, I've got a problem, I've been feeling like a chicken," and the doctor replied, "Don't worry, it's just a fowl mood, and that's a poultry in motion."
• Why did the banana go to the doctor, he wasn't peeling well, and someone pun-dered if that was just a fruit-less visit and a banana split decision.
• The punster said, "I'm addicted to placebos," and his friend replied, "I could give you a pill, but it wouldn't do anything, it's just a dummy pill, and that's a place-bozo move."
• What do you call a bear with no socks on, barefoot, and the punster said that was un-bear-ievable and a grizzly reason to pun.
• The pun master went to the gym and saw a sign that said, "Please don't drop weights," and he replied, "Are you trying to lift my spirits, or is that just a weight-y issue and a heavy pun."
• Why did the computer go to the doctor, it had a virus, and someone pun-ished the joke by saying it was a byte-ing problem and a virus-ual threat.
• The witty punster said, "I'm reading a book on anti-gravity," and his friend replied, "That's impossible to put down, but I'm pundering if it's just a gravity-defying joke and a weight-less pun."
• What do you call a group of cows playing instruments, a moo-sical band, and the punster said that was udderly ridiculous and a cow-cophony of puns.
• The punster went to the restaurant and said, "I'd like a plate of eggs, but no eggs-pectations, please," and the waiter replied, "That's a fowl order, and a crack-ing good joke, but I'll egg-cuse myself."
• Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road, it ran out of juice, and someone pun-dered if that was just a fruit-less conversation and a sour situation.
• The pun master said, "I'm trying to start a garden, but it's a real challenge," and his friend replied, "Well, that's a growing concern, and a weed-y problem, but I'm pundering if it's just a corny joke."
• What do you call a dog that does magic tricks, a labracadabrador, and the punster said that was paws-itively amazing and a dog-gone good joke.
• The witty punster went to the doctor and said, "Doc, I've got a problem, I've been feeling like a cat," and the doctor replied, "Don't worry, it's just a purr-anoid condition, and that's a cat-astrophic diagnosis, but I'll paws for a moment."
• Why did the rabbit go to the doctor, he'd hare-loss, and someone pun-dered if that was just a hare-brained scheme and a fur-bulous joke.
• The pun master said, "I'm reading a book on the history of clocks," and his friend replied, "That's a timely topic, but I'm pundering if it's just a tick

Best Jokes & Puns for Instagram

Creating a collection of jokes about the best jokes and puns for Instagram requires a blend of creativity and humor, as these jokes shouldn't only be funny but also engaging enough to prompt likes and shares on the platform.

The key to crafting such jokes is to understand what makes content shareable and entertaining on Instagram, a platform known for its visual and interactive nature.

• Why did the Instagram joke go to therapy, because it was feeling a little filtered and wanted to express itself more authentically.
• The Instagram comedian brought a ladder to the party, because he heard the drinks were on the house and wanted to take his jokes to the next level.
• What did the Instagram post say to the engagement, you're always liking me but never committing to a comment, and I wish you'd share your thoughts more openly.
• An Instagram user walked into a library and asked the librarian, do you have any jokes about Instagram, and the librarian replied, it's on the shelf next to the stories that are currently trending.
• Why did the pun go to the Instagram party, because it was a grape opportunity to wine about how much it loved making people laugh and share funny moments.
• The joke about likes on Instagram went viral, proving that even in the digital age, humor can accumulate followers and become incredibly popular.
• Instagram's best joke told himself, you're so funny you could make a meme out of anything, and then he realized he was just reflecting on his own comedic talent.
• Why did the meme maker break up with his Instagram significant other, because he wanted someone with more followers and better engagement, someone who could help his memes go viral.
• A joke posted on Instagram said, I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, it's impossible to put down, and people couldn't help but like and share its clever humor.
• The best puns on Instagram are like pizza, even when they're bad, they're still pretty good, and that's why people keep coming back for more.
• An Instagram user tried to start a joke account but failed, realizing that making people laugh is no joke and requires a lot of creativity and originality.
• Why did the joke on Instagram go to the doctor, it had a bad case of likes and followers and needed to find a cure for its obsession with going viral.
• What do you call an Instagram joke that's having an identity crisis, a reel mess, because it can't seem to find its place among all the other trending content.
• The funniest joke on Instagram asked its followers, why was the math book sad, and when no one knew, it replied, because it had too many problems, and everyone loved its clever wordplay.
• An Instagram comedian said, I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, and she looked surprised, then he realized she was just reacting to his joke.
• Why did Instagram's most popular joke go to the gym, to get some more punchline, and to improve its overall comedic delivery.
• A joke posted on Instagram said, why don't scientists trust atoms, because they make up everything, and it became one of the most liked and shared posts of the week.
• The best joke on Instagram is like a supermodel, it's got a million followers but no real friends, and it's always looking for ways to engage with its audience more meaningfully.
• Why did the Instagram joke go on a diet, because it wanted to lose some bytes and become more efficient in its comedic delivery.
• The joke on Instagram about a man walking into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm was a real road-block to laughter, but it managed to pave the way for more jokes.
• An Instagram user made a joke about why don't eggs tell jokes, because they'd crack each other up, and it cracked up everyone who saw it.
• Why did the Instagram comedian bring a magnet to the party, because he wanted to attract some attention and draw people to his jokes.
• The joke on Instagram said, what do you call a fake noodle, an impasta, and it managed to make everyone laugh with its clever play on words.
• What did the Instagram post say when it ran into its ex, you're just a story now, and I'm still trying to figure out why you're not trending anymore.
• The best pun on Instagram is like a high-five, it's all about the delivery and timing, and when done right, it can be incredibly effective.
• An Instagram joke asked, why don't lobsters share, because they're shellfish, and it made everyone realize that sometimes the best jokes are the simplest ones.
• The joke on Instagram about a scarecrow winning an award was indeed a-maize-ing, and it won over the hearts of everyone who saw it.
• Why did the Instagram comedian get invited to all the parties, because he was a-maize-ing and could always make people laugh with his jokes.
• The best joke on Instagram said, what do you call a can opener that doesn't work, a can't opener, and it couldn't have been more right about the importance of functionality.
• An Instagram user made a joke about why the bicycle fell over, because it was two-tired, and it was a real cycle of laughter that never got old.
• Why did the Instagram joke go to the beauty parlor, because it wanted a punderful new look that would make it stand out from the crowd.
• The joke on Instagram asked, what did the beach say when the tide came in, long time no sea, and it was a wave of laughter that swept over everyone.
• Why did the Instagram comedian become a baker, because he kneaded the dough and wanted to make some bread that would rise to the occasion and make people laugh.
• An Instagram user said, I'm not a morning person, I'm not a night person, I'm an whenever-the-coffee-kicks-in person, and it was a joke that really perked everyone up.
• Why did the Instagram joke about the mushroom go to the party, because he was a fun-gi and wanted to have a spore-tacular time and make everyone laugh.
• The best joke on Instagram is like a pizza, even when it's bad, it's still pretty good, because sometimes you just need a slice of humor in your life.
• An Instagram comedian said, I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, she looked surprised, and then he realized she was just reacting to his joke and trying to raise

Conclusion

You've made it through the dark jokes, congrats, you're probably messed up. These jokes aren't for everyone, but you're clearly twisted enough to enjoy them. Don't say you weren't warned – your sense of humor's now officially messed up. Go ahead, share 'em on Instagram, see who else is as warped as you.